Cleveland - Presumed former NFL cornerback Ricardo Colclough was found alive today on the Cleveland Browns active roster after being declared dead late last year. Ricardo was presumed dead after he had gone missing during the 2006 NFL season. During a difficult season in which he struggled with mental errors and turnovers, and eventually ceded kick returning duties to rookie Santonio Holmes, Ricardo became the subject of repeated confrontations with then-Coach Bill Cowher. After the national media raised questions about the highly suspicious disappearance of the former second round pick, the Pittsburgh Police Department issued a brief statement:
"Nah yinz listen here, after a very thorough investigation, we've determined that Coach Cowher definitely didn't strangle Ricky, crush his trachea, and t'row him in the Allegheny. Nah lets go dahn there a Permanny's an' get some sammiches."
No formal investigation followed the disappearance.
Concerned teammate and avid dog-lover Hines Ward was one of the last to speak on the matter:
"Hines Ward see Ricky getting yerred at all the time. Coach Cowher yerr at him, he say things like 'DROP THE BARR AGAIN AND I WILL MARRY YOUR JUNK WITH A FERAL BOAR!!'. Rast time Coach carr Ricky into his office, Ricky not come out. Coach Cowher say he 'sreeps with the whitefishes'."
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