AndyAudas.com Marginally True Sports Star Stories: Cory Snyder

Cory Snyder, great late 80’s baseball hero and beloved American, was born and raised in Topeka, Kansas. As a Mormon, young Snyder was honored and revered by members of his church as a direct descendant of Joseph Smith himself. Yet, he was troubled by the ridicules of non-Mormon classmates. Salvation soon came, as Cory blossomed into a sports hero at a very young age. Cory took especially well to the game of baseball, where he excelled even at the age of nine in his first little league game. It wasn’t until his high school years that his body caught up with his excellent baseball mind, and he developed the tools that would one day take him sort of close to what might be considered the top of baseball during what is widely considered one of lowest points in its history. He had all of the so-called “Five Six Tools O’ Doom”: a cannon for an arm, amazing speed, fielding agility, hitting, and power hitting, and a gorgeous, flowing moustache. A blond gorgeous, flowing moustache.

Yes that moustache caught the eyes of some of the nation’s top baseball recruiters. Logically, Cory sorted through all of the scholarship offers to attend … Bringham Young University. In his first game, he hit three home runs in his first three at-bats against UNLV. He continued to excel, hitting .450 with 27 home runs and 85 RBI’s and generally embarrassing teammates such as Wally Joyner, Rick Aguilera and former White Sox pitcher Scott Nielsen. After a dominating college career, MLB scouts drooled over that which was Cory Snyder, and he was drafted 4th overall by the Cleveland Indians in 1984. Cory even went on to make America proud with a Silver Medal in the 1984 Olympics, outshining such stars as Mark McGwire and Barry Larkin.

Cory took the fast track to success in the star-studded early 80’s Cleveland farm system that would one day yield such greats as Joey Belle, Jay Bell, and… Alex Cole. And Rated Rookie Andy Allanson. Debuting in 1986, Cory and his moustache would quickly show the world what they could do, smashing 24 home runs and slugging .500 in only 103 games. 1987 was a similarly splendid year, during which Snyder blasted 33 home runs, walked a staggering 33 times, and struck out a meager 166 times.

Unfortunately, those who fly so close to the sun on golden moustaches often find themselves the envy of the gods. In a cruel twist of fate, it would be the very moustache from which Cory drew so much strength that would prove his downfall. While having such a uniquely blond moustache was a boon that no man could resist, it was with that blond godsend that enabled Cory to maneuver around MLB’s incredibly strict drug policies. By early 1988, Cory had done what many at the near-top do, he turned to drugs. Cory, brilliant as he was, realized that he could store cocaine in his moustache, and his plan worked well enough to completely derail his promising career.

Battling drug addiction from 1988 through the end of his MLB career in 1994, Cory was still one of the most intimidating hitters during this period. Hall of Famer Nolan Ryan on Cory Snyder, “Cory Snyder scared the living hell out of me. He never broke eye contact with the pitcher, and when not screaming at the pitch – he literally screamed at the baseball while it was in the air – he would scream at me. Mostly it was gibberish, but you could tell he was trying to get you to look into his moustache. It usually worked, because all my pitches ended up in the dirt. He still swung at them, though. That dude was scary.”

After retiring in 1994, Snyder disappeared. He wasn’t seen for 7 years, until he surfaced at a YMCA softball tournament. Reportedly, he hit nine home runs in the three game tournament, as well as two opponents, an umpire, and three fans. After his last shot cleared an estimated 480 feet, he hurled his bat at the centerfield scoreboard and collapsed on the spot. On June 17, 2001, Cory Snyder died of a massive coronary at the age of 39.

R.I.P. Cory